by Garet Bedrosian, LCSW, CIRT, CBT, CET
What is your New Year’s resolution?
Did that question excite you or make you cringe?
It definitely makes me cringe. I have aborted so many of my well intended declarations of change that I have resolved to never make another. I know I am not alone in my failed endeavors since only about half of us make resolutions and the percentage still on track 6 months later is only 25%. Why bother?
There are many reasons for the lack of follow through and not believing in the ability to succeed is at the top of the list. The degree of consciousness or alignment with the intention, the loftiness of the goals, not having adequate support, and my personal favorite, not setting rewards for achieving each step along the way are important factors in the demise those resolutions. Rewards are always good!
Creating a Relationship Vision is one of the most valuable exercises I teach in both the ‘Getting the Love You Want’ and the ‘Keeping the Love You Find’ Imago Relationship Workshops. This exercise is pivotal for couple’s as well as for singles. Katherine Woodward Thomas says, “Rather than needing pain to push us we grow because we are inspired by possibility… a possibility of who we could become…”
We have all heard about Olympians visualizing the gold, the finish line, perfect form and execution of their sport. They do it because it works. They spend hours imagining their achievements so their bodies and minds know exactly what to do to win. As William Arthur Ward says, ‘If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.”
Focusing on what does not work keeps you stuck in frustration while focusing on living in the feeling of your dreams as a reality propels you forward. Communicating and becoming aligned with a partner regarding the ingredients of the ideal relationship for the two of you makes the manifestation of that vision possible. Partners can see where they are using their energies to reach mutual goals or where they need to adjust for a more joyful journey.
Individuals in alignment with their desires for a satisfying life or relationship are also more likely to succeed when their daily choices and actions are in line with their visions.
The more I use these principles in my own life the happier I am. For example, some of my Relationship Visions (stated in the positive as if they are already true) are… We have adventures. We laugh often. We share time with friends and family. We are active. We spend time in nature. We communicate respectfully and kindly. We support one another’s dreams. We have fun.
To support the manifestation of those visions I needed to make some personal life adjustments. I have been on the busy track for a long time and my desire to live a more joyful, relaxed life meant I had to create room in my schedule. I hear myself lamenting about being too tired and too busy to see friends, attend events or have quality time with my partner which made me feel less patient and more easily irritated.
If you have had any experience with 12-Step programs you have heard the quote, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”I have to admit that was exactly what I was doing. Focusing on my vision has brought different results. I already feel the joy of aligning with my visions and living my dreams.
My partner and I have kayaked the bay, enjoyed dinners and laughter with friends, attended movies and plays, strolled and run the beaches, seen amazing sunsets, have travel plans to visit family and often anticipate the excitement of our next adventure…. roller coaster at Belmont Park, train ride to San Francisco, photo safari in Africa!
Having a conscious vision is similar to having a rudder on the kayak. It keeps us heading in the intended direction and conserves our energy.
What are your relationship or life visions? Please share your dreams and plans for achieving those dreams. I would thoroughly enjoy supporting your vision.