For the past 37 years, I have helped many clients create satisfying relationships in their personal and professional lives with a unique approach that changes interpersonal dynamics and gets to the root cause of why we struggle in our relationships.
However, “relationships” were challenging for me.
Relating to people had been hard for me since I was young. I was shy and fearful and could barely talk to others. As a highly sensitive and intuitive person who felt and expressed the energy around me, I was labeled “too sensitive” — a “cry baby” — while growing up. I became afraid I’d get hurt or humiliated if I opened up.
Although I have achieved quite a bit in my life, my difficulties in relating to others hampered me from comfortably pursuing many things I wanted to do. But this was a blessing in disguise.
My early challenges led me on a journey that opened up so many opportunities for me when I followed the tiny pilot light of inspiration inside me — the same pilot light that led the quiet, shy girl across the country from Rhode Island to California. My need to understand the impact of the energies around me became a driving force in my life. I studied psychology, became a therapist, and trained in many modalities.
I discovered Bioenergetic Analysis, and it changed my life.
Our bodies contain an energy economy — if we’re using our energy to protect ourselves, it’s not available to experience pleasure, creativity, and other positive emotions. I recognized how many of my behaviors came from my subconscious, wanting to protect myself. When I released the hurt, sadness, and anger I held onto, I started doing things that bring me joy!
I was dancing, traveling, horseback riding… no longer afraid to make contact with life. I could finally “touch and feel” the energies around me without letting them hold me back from pursuing my career and living a life I love.
The only thing missing was a mutually fulfilling relationship, and I realized that I didn’t know how to create one.
I went on to seek the “why” and “how.” I learned that we need to understand the stories we bring to each relationship. We need to understand the unmet needs, wants, and wounds we each carry, so both parties can become their most joyfully alive authentic selves while also creating something more relationally vital. Such “relational space,” formed by the dynamics between two people, isn’t tangible. The only way we can tap into its power is by understanding the energetics of it. But our ability to tap into the energetics of any relationship between two human beings is hindered by our stories, our beliefs, our conditioning, societal expectations, and all the other baggage that we have accumulated over the years.
My love for horses gave me the answer.
I have always loved horses. One reason is that they reflect my energies to me in the most authentic way. With the help of horses, we can experience the energies we bring to each relationship and get immediate feedback about any shift.
I added a unique Equus Coaching component to my work with couples and corporate clients so they can have the energetics of the “relational space” tangibly and non-judgmentally reflected to them. Armed with that awareness, we can change how we show up in each relationship.
Bringing it all together.
Since working with couples in this way, I observed that people bring their hurt and wounds into every relationship. Whether they’re interacting with their spouses or colleagues, the same issues show up over and over. Without the consciousness of what they’re doing, most people can’t break the destructive patterns.
Since most people spend much of their time interacting with their colleagues or partners, what better way to heal than to start with those relationships? I decided to expand my corporate coaching offering and train other therapists who want to work with couples.
Why organizations are dysfunctional.
While most companies are screaming “teamwork” and “collaboration” at the top of their lungs, many aren’t getting much out of it because employees can’t relate to each other constructively. An organization’s success depends on how conscious employees interact with each other. The “relational space” between employees will determine how well teams function. The energetics of this relational space will shape the work environment and, therefore, impact the organization’s productivity.
Why couples therapists are struggling.
Many couples therapists struggle to put out fires instead of helping clients understand the relational dynamics. One week they’re trying to solve the money problems, then the next week they move onto issues with the kids. The problem is that they’re working with two individuals instead of the “relational space” between them.
When I started using IMAGO with couples, I helped my clients understand how both parties contribute to what’s going on between them and, therefore, the path to healing their relationships.
Today, I teach IMAGO to couples therapists to help their clients reconnect at a deeper level and nurture the “relational space” to achieve long-term and sustainable results.
An Invitation to Make Relationships Work For You
Understanding the energetics of relationships and nurturing the “relational space” is the key to success for anyone who wants to create constructive relationships for themselves and others. Whether you’re a corporate leader, a couples therapist, or simply someone who wants to improve their relationships with their partner — I invite you to explore this different perspective of experiencing relationships. Learn more about my corporate programs, IMAGO training for therapists, and couples therapy intensives here.
Relationship Therapist Training, Facilitator Training, Couples Intensives and Workshops.